Reflections

My time in Portugal is coming to an end. It is now only 3 1/2 weeks until we depart. This morning, Otto gave us all a writing assignment to complete for tomorrow. Our task was to reflect on our time in Portugal these last 7 months and to write about discipleship and what it means and looks like in your life. I apologize in advance for the length of this post. A lot of the themes of this reflection have been written about on the blog before, but this is it all put together. Here is my reflection:



Over the course of the last 7 months, God has been constantly transforming my life and revealing to me, what being His disciple looks like and means for my life.

Community:
One of my biggest hesitations prior to starting TREK was the fact that I would be living in community and be surrounded by people all the time! This particular aspect of discipleship living was not all that appealling to me. However, God calls us to live in community with each other. This was one of the major foundational blocks of the early church in Acts. Living in community can be a challenging thing at times - especially for those who are a little more introverted than others - but, living in community with other believers, eating together, praying together and doing life with one another can also be one of the most life-giving experiences a person can encounter. This has been my reality. Throughout the last 7 months, my teammates have been an incredible encouragement to me in so many ways. They have challenged me, encouraged me, prayed for me and have held me accountable. My teammates have enabled me to experience more of what it means to be a disciple of Christ.


Personal Holiness:
As disciples of Christ, we are called to live in such a way that is set apart from the rest of the world. We are called to live in right relationship with God and with those around us. God wants to use our best for His glory and His purposes and He can't do that to His full potential when we are not living rightly with him and with others. This has probably been one of the greatest transformations in my life over the course of the last 7 months and one that has challenged me like none other. Right from the beginning of TREK, I needed to make some things in my life right - both with friends and with God. It's been a challenging process - one where I am left figuring out what living authentically and more transparently looks like. I haven't been very good at this in the past, but I have had the opportunity to be opened up to experience more of God's fullness and transforming power in my life because of my choice to live more transparently. It is through these seasons where I feel inadequate that God is able to bring total order into complete chaos. There is opportunity for growth. There is opportunity for God to use my chaos and the mistakes I have made, redeem them and transform them into something Holy and for His Glory.


Obedience:
Since the day we arrived in Portugal, this has been a lesson that has been reiterated to me on a daily basis. 

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail."

~ Proverbs 19:21

I heard someone say once, that when you are being obedient, you will find yourself in situations where you feel humanly inadequate. We are not living in the Spirit if we can handle everything. Can I hear an Amen! There were many days at the beginning of our time here in Portugal where I found myself wondering if what we were doing was even really effective. Eventually, it began to sink in that we are incapable of seeing and knowing what God is doing in the hearts and lives of people, but that is not our concern. Our concern lies in our ability to trust that we serve a God who's plans and ways are far greater than our minds can comprehend. Our task is to trust. 
I am constantly being reminded how imperative it is for me to deny myself - to lay down my plans for life and what I think is best, in order to experience all that God has for me. That thought, in and of itself, is too incomprehensible for me to imagine. When I choose to give God the reigns of my life, there is no telling where He will take me and what He can do in and through me. Saying 'yes' to God's leading in my life means that life as I know it will change. By saying 'yes', I am acknowledging that I better be ready for what that entails and where God will take me. I want to be obedient to that calling in my life - whatever that may be.
Prior to me even considering the TREK program, I found myself yearning for an adventure with God. I, along with my mentor, began to pray earnestly for this and I eventually was led to TREK. It's now been a little over a year since I first started praying about adventuring with God, starting off with little knowledge of what that actually meant.  Since then, I have been on the most exciting, the most terrifying, and the most incredible journey of my entire life. I want to continue on this journey, adventuring with God. There will no doubt be hard stuff along the way - there already has. There will be tears and growing pains, but the adventure - in its entirety, will be life giving, transformational, and the best thing I could ever choose for my life. My task is to be obedient.
It is my desire to be used for whatever God has planned for my life - no matter how scary or exciting the task may be. When I lay down my plans, deny myself and choose to submit myself to the plans of the Lord, I know that He will do infinitely more than I could ever dream or imagine.  This is what being a disciple looks like.

"I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

~ Psalm 32:8

Intimacy with God:
I have gained a new passion to be intimate with Jesus since the beginning of TREK. I have encountered days where all I long to do is spend time in the presence of Jesus. Through quiet times and life journalling, I have re-established my relationship with God by making him the primary focus in my life. For a long time, when things in life were good or bad or ugly or just so-so, the first people I wanted to tell were my friends. That's all fine and good; God desires for us to be in community with other believers, but where I fell short was in my neglecting to go to God with those same things. He wants to be in relationship with me. I'm learning that we can't fill the space in our life with human relationships when that space is one that can only be filled by God. God has led me to Portugal - halfway across the world, away from family and friends, and it is here where I have learned to refocus and encounter God more intimately than ever before. It is my desire to be passionately addicted to the presence of the Living God.
Along with my desire to grow more intimately with Jesus, I have been challenged in my prayer life. I have found myself spending more time in prayer and I have been challenged in what and who and how I pray. I have found myself praying a lot for people's salvation - both for people I have come to know here in Portugal and for family members back home. What has been neat is the change I have seen in people's life since I started praying for them.


Missions in Portugal:
My time here in Portugal has been nothing short of incredible and life changing. And to think I almost didn't do this. I came here, expecting to bless the people I had come to serve, but it turns out, I have been blessed in return. I have loved every minute of getting to know the people here and to build relationships with them. I love these people. I've never experienced having my heart broken for a country and for people in the way that I have experienced during my time here. It started off back in December praying for God to give me his heart and his eyes for the people in Massama. God answered that prayer.
Growing up in the bubble of Winnipeg and never being away from the familiar, it has been challenging at times, but mostly amazing, to experience a culture beyond what I am used to. I always knew there was a bigger world out there, but I never experienced it for myself. My eyes have been opened and my heart has been awakened. 
As I think about what my future looks like, I must admit that my heart has been softened to the idea of missions. I have a far greater understanding of what it entails and how incredible it can be. I still am unsure if that is my path in life or where God is calling me, but I will not close the door. Some people need the street preaching and seeing hundreds of people turning their lives over to Christ, but I must admit, I have experienced so much joy in the simple things while serving here. I have loved babysitting the Vander kids, cooking for various people whether it be having people over for dinner at our apartment or cooking in mass quantities for the Vision Team. I have loved cleaning people's houses and having meaningful conversations while doing that. It's been rewarding to be able to take some of the load off the long-termers here - this is why I came!